Tell Us How You Really Feel

I heard a song the other day called Show Some Emotion by Joan Armatrading. It struck me how applicable it was to being a woman building a career and trying to have a full life (also applicable for our more sensitive colleagues who are gents). It was written in the 1970’s, but it seems in the professional world not a lot has changed – or maybe not enough…

 

Professional Presence, Strength and Weakness

Little did we know early in our careers how much maintaining a professional presence meant holding back on doing what she sings in the chorus:

“Show some emotion, put expression in your eyes
Light up if you’re feeling happy
But if it’s bad then let those tears roll down”

When asked about the lyrics in her song, Armatrading remarked: “Our emotions are our greatest gifts, why don’t we show them?”

In an interview, former US Secretary of State and greatest potential for a woman president, Hilary Clinton, got tearful when recording a Masterclass on resilience when she read the 2016 acceptance speech she never got to give. In that interview, and clips of the Masterclass, we got to see some genuine emotional expression that is almost never (purposefully) revealed in professional life. (Full interview here, if you missed it.)

Research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, Dr. Brene Brown adds that much of current research in many disciplines shows people tend to react emotionally first. She says this:

“We like to think we are rational beings who occasionally have an emotion
and flick it away [to carry on being rational. But rather,]
we are emotional, feeling beings; who, on rare occasions, think.”

Why Indeed

As professional and business women in the career world, we’ve learned to think: rational thinking, critical thinking, thinking quickly on our feet, dishing out snappy repartee…

We multi-task. We bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan. We diagnose, argue in court, manage projects and budgets. AND we carry on family traditions, pack lunch boxes, kiss boo-boos, create intimacy with lovers, and care for our loved ones.

We DO do it all, and yet…

Fearing being called “too emotional” or the B-name – for feeling sad, frustrated and disappointed or for expressing anger, frustrations and concerns – is exactly why we women have traditionally learned to withhold expressing much feeling with colleagues in the career world! And often, the sheer difficulty of the work and challenges of life themselves cause us to bottle it up – especially if we were raised to believe feelings aren’t important or get in the way, that we need to ‘buck up and move on…’

 

Letting It Out

Having a place to share feelings – the good, the bad, the ugly – and work through them intelligently to build results is so important to utilize our “greatest gifts” productively. It’s something that lands us in a therapist’s office if there is no outlet to do so.

I’ve written a lot about my own struggles with pursuing logical, rational, unemotional career success. I’ve come to think that success without emotional expression is actually a human impossibility. As a nurse I was trained to nurture the art of caring. As a lawyer, I came to realize that conflict was just not my preferred focus. Both are highly emotional subjects.

I recently admitted how my feeling lonely in business allowed me to make a change that resulted in bringing on my long-time colleague and friend, Elizabeth Crouch, as a coaching partner.

This change was not my first ‘professional reinvention.’ From nurse to lawyer to business owner and professional coach there have been many changes, choices, struggles… All had their share of (emotional) angst and need for support to productively make those changes. I was reluctant to share it, but once I did, and found support and resources, everything got easier.

Elizabeth was a part of that for me then. And now.

It’s why we’re both so excited to be working together again now. We will build out and deliver the Masterful Life Redesign program together – for other professional women frustrated by their own current circumstances, aspiring to more, and ready for their own career transitions.

It’s also why we’re eager to help others smoothly navigate what can often feel like troubled waters (especially when it seems there is no safe port in a storm) – to give them a place to explore and think and really feel in ways that support building the lives and work that are truly meaningful to them.

 

Elizabeth’s Story

Here’s how Elizabeth describes her experience with all this:

It was a dark night in November, and I was tired after working twelve hours in surgery and clinic. I sat very still in my car. My mind was reeling, tears of frustration and disappointment were stinging my eyes. Finally calm, I could drive the 15 miles to home.

Was I simply exhausted from the day’s rigorous schedule? Was I confused about requests, my ever changing role, the conflicting comments and lack of respect from the doctors?  Not exactly … I realized that this exhaustion had been building and was far more than physical.

When I got home, I wept in the arms of my husband with our young daughter nearby. I remember saying that I’d rather be cleaning bathrooms than the work I’d been trained to do and had been doing for nearly two decades. How could I feel this way when I had been a successful physical therapist and physician assistant?

After a good sleep, I had to ask myself these questions:

1. What is the kind of life I want to live going forward?
2. What are my life and work goals?
3. What is the path, where in the world do I even start?
4. Where can I find support to make some very significant changes?

I needed help to sort this all through and design something new…  

I turned to my trusted friend Dolly with these questions. She guided me to slow down, to look within, to rediscover my innermost longings and desires for life and satisfying work. I wanted a life filled with joy, with all aspects of my life in harmony like a well tuned orchestra.

Step by step, on the road together, we became professional coaches and supported each other to create fulfilling work, and life on our own terms…

And now we’ve chosen to work together to bring that same result to our professional women clients – when they finally admit that where they are ‘feels bad and let those tears run down’… when they are ready to make changes and create their own definition of joy and harmony in their work and lives.

How To Pull It All Together?

We look forward to sharing the roll out of our small group coaching mastermind program: Masterful Life Redesign.

• Coaching because coursework, training and self-study are not enough.
• Small group because support and individual attention is key.
• Mastermind because sharing goals, challenges and hopes with others creates exponential learning.
• Masterful because you ARE.
• Life because it’s a many-splendored thing, including the pursuit of great work.
• Redesign… well, because you get to create it the way you want…

Does that resonate with you? Is it for a professional woman you know?

We’d love to hear from you, what you’re really feeling about where you are and what you really want…

It’s safe to show that emotion in the creative cocoon of our small group program. We know that expression is one of your greatest gifts, and how much you need a place to express it, so you can create and grow your own exceptional life. That’s why we do this. Here’s to you!